you’re doomed, there’s nothing I can do
babe are you okay? you reblogged I’m Gonna Kiss You Stupid again
Okay kids buckle up for the INSANE story I just heard from my little brother
**As a disclaimer my brother is a cis straight dude who only dates the most basic white girls you can find. He's very emotionally aware but doesn't linger on his emotions, just processes them and moves on (this is wild to me)**
He calls me on my break just to say hi, that he’s driving back to Denver from visiting his girlfriend, to which I respond “didn’t you break up with your girlfriend (of like a month) last month” and to which he says “yeah I have a new girlfriend, we’ve been together four weeks but I went up to spend the weekend and meet her friends” and I’m like ok great this is already ridiculous
So we’re chatting and I’m teasing him about how he doesn’t sleep with people on first dates and he says that he’s changed his policy, it’s just that he won’t have sex with them if he’d rather be doing something else, so I joke that I’ve had that where I’d rather be watching the show Chernobyl (true) and he says “yeah or watching a movie with my housemate” and I say hey bud that’s kind of gay and he says yeah I actually had a weird gay moment last night
And I go oh???? And he goes yeah, I was at the bar with the girlfriend and some of her friends and one of them was a guy and we were hitting it off, doing a little flirting as you do with your bros at the bar~
And then my cis straight brother goes on to explain that sometimes when you’re out with the homies and you’re having a good time and the vibes are right you just give em a little kiss, like just a kiss on the mouth between bros, “no tongue or anything like that but just to express that you’re close and having a good time”
I’m like “My dude that’s not a thing” and he’s like “between confident straight men it is” and I’m like “NO IT’S NOT"
So there we’ve got my brother having casual queerplatonic relationships with his homies at the bar, and he’s telling me this and I’m obviously speechless, so he goes on and he’s like “so because this guy and I were hitting it off I go in for a little kiss and he fucking swerves me” and I’m like yes my guy but because my brother is actually very good with respecting boundaries he was like “ok man great communication, won’t do it again"
BUT
Apparently my brother and the dude and my brother's GIRLFRIEND who has been there the WHOLE TIME go outside (I assume to have a cigarette but he didn’t tell me that part) and the guy turns to my brother and is like “man I should have kissed you when you offered it” and my brother is like “cool good shit man” like in the most bro way possible and then the guy grabs his face between his hands and just PLANTS a big one on his mouth
And THEN the guy panics and shoves him down on the ground!! And my brother has the normal reaction to being shoved on the ground unexpectedly which is to say “what the FUCK” and the girlfriend says “what the FUCK” and the guy goes “what the FUCK” and leaves
And my brother ended the story there and was musing on it like "this guy obviously has some complexes to work through about his sexuality, no confident straight man kisses another confident straight man and then panics and runs away”
Which took me out at the KNEES lol
And that, dear readers, is the batshit story my brother told me!
OH MY GOD AND
AND
I told my coworker this and they were like I’m actually shipping him and his roommate and I was like HUH because I hadn't considered that and then later my brother sent me a photo of his housemate wearing sexy handcuffs
There are many benefits to being Barbie's cousin
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE CONTEXT HERE
So for those who don't know some merch sources establish Barbie's full name is Barbara Rogers. And Shaggy's full name is Norville Rogers. So some people started to joke some years ago they could be related and we wouldn't know, and little by little the joke turned into an AU or a headcanon for some people
I was today years old when I learned that Barbie has a full name
According to Mattel it's Barbara Millicent Roberts (not Rogers)
But regardless, they could still be cousins just with different last names
(for example, I don't share a last name with any of my cousins because both of my parents had sisters who subsequently took on their husbands' last names)
But regardless, they
could still be cousins just with
different last names
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Just realized that the reason I love making friends on tumblr is because it’s exactly how you make friends on the playground as a six year old. No, I don’t know their name but they love mermaids too and built this awesome sand castle. No, I don’t know their age but their imaginary cheetah is friends with mine. You like this show? You like this character?? You can sing the theme song really loud??? Here is a flower crown. Here is a juice box. You can share my time and I might never see you again but part of you stays in my soul forever. In my mind we’re still on the swing set and the sky is blue and nothing will ever be wrong again.
chai tea (tea tea)
naan bread (bread bread)
sharia law (law law)
sahara desert (desert desert)
lake tahoe (lake lake)
el camino way (the way way)
pendle hill (hill hill hill)
soviet union (union union)
mississippi river (big river river)
the los angeles angels (the the angels angels)
hula dance (dance dance)
dc comics (detective comics comics)
shakira (shakira)
oh this is a life saver
So these are both “Aw Fuck I’m outta real food” meals BUT ALSO: if you’re learning how to cook, these are great “baby steps” meals to learn how to cook basics into something enjoyable without “wasting” anything expensive. Though I maintain that even cooking screw-ups are valuable in terms of lessons learned.
Also they’re great for when you get absorbed in something and you realize your blood sugar is dropping and you need to make something Quick.
Making basic storecupboard or fridge ingredients less basic and more nutritious.
Unmute !
Every single one of these kittens: “The world is SO BIG and I am SO SMALL and I am not sure what to do with myself but I sure am trying.”
tiltingplanet asked:
Would you mind settling an argument between myself and my spouse? He insists 6 is elderly for a house cat. I think it's 8. Which do you say?
talesfromtreatment answered:
Cats ‘technically’ become seniors at 7 years old. In reality, most indoor cats I’ve seen as a vet tech have typically lived to be between 14 and 18 years of age so I personally don’t consider a cat to really really be a senior until they’re 10, but I do recommend yearly bloodwork starting at 7 or 8 because I have seen both kidney disease and hyperthyroidism in cats that young. I’d call 13+ elderly.
We had a cat that lived to be 23 when I was a child, but my previous cat passed from kidney disease when he was I think around 13? It's a total roll of the dice with cats. Imagine if humans had lifespans that variable...most people would still live to 70-80 but sometimes someone would just forget about that and live to be 150+ for no real reason.